im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
