The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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