Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
