please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize