"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
