I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
