When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
