I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
