I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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