some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
