Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
