Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
