the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
