What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
