ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
