I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
