yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I think my fart just growled at me.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
