So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
