Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
