...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
