Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
