Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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