it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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