I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize