How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
