A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
