oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
