apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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