trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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