Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Randomize
