I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
