Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
