you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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