i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
