I puked a lego.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize