im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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