i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
