She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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