and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
