It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
