A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
