it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
