how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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