hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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