I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
