Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
