She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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