I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
