Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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