did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
