I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
