Midget sex pt 2 tonight
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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