Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
