dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
