She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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