i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
