Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
