So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
