my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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