Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
