He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
