Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
