I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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