She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
