I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
