remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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