at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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