I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
